This year had some amazing moments with some amazing people. It also had some pretty tough times, but I’m grateful for it all.
I don’t have any real resolutions this year. All year I have identified things I want to do in order to be a better man. I am going to continue doing those things.
I am incredibly grateful for the friends I have been lucky enough to make this year. Thank you to @ig_escaype for creating such an amazing platform to bring people together.
Thank you all for your love and support. I wish everyone has an amazing 2019.
I don’t post many photos of myself. But as much as I love photography, I wouldn’t have any of it without recovery and today marks 3 years for me. This time of year is always about reflection for me, and is always a very emotional time. I tend to think about where I was, who is/isn’t in my life anymore, things I have done and still working on forgiveness of for myself. .
It also is a time to try and think about the wins I have had and how far I have come. Something that I tend to forget about.
Here is something I wrote last year about these 2 photos. .
“My name is Josh and I'm an alcoholic.
I like to keep my life private. I have over-shared far too much of my life at 3am while I feel I am being incredibly deep and philosophical. That being said.... Today I celebrate 2 years of sobriety. .
Today brings along a lot of memories of what it used to be like for me. The never ending struggle to survive. The constant feeling of being alone and never being good enough. The acceptance that came with that struggle that life wouldn't change for me. The groundhogs day that just wouldn't end. The promise to myself that I wouldn't drink each day and each day ending up at the bar. And the overwhelming thoughts and feelings that this world would be better off if... .
Today also brings a lot of memories of what life looked like even just a year ago. This year included a whole lot of growing pains. Some people that I truly love and care for are no longer a part of my life. I've certainly learned what is and isn't my responsibility, but there is a long distance between the head and the heart. With time that distance might get traveled, and maybe it doesn't. But it does serve as a great motivator to try and be a better man than I was yesterday. .
In the before pic, I had been day drinking alone all day. I had just puked, because that's what I do when I drink. I posted it on Facebook (in 2011 I believe, so I kept on for 4 more years after this moment) because I thought it was important for you to see how much fun I was having. .
I was not anonymous in my drinking, so I don't feel the need to be anonymous in my recovery.”