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hello, I am working on my Wattpad story and I'll let you know when that is finished. stay gold! ♡ALB

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first time by plested:. "Pack my bags 'cause by the morning I'll be gone for California I'll just be another picture on your phone And I wish that I could call you Right now my plane is boarding And I'm thinking do I stay or do I go I don't know 'Cause if I miss my chance Ain't no turning back You got me torn Because You are the last thing that I need right now And for the first time I don't want to leave this town You are the last thing that I should be without You're making my heart Wanna stick around For the first time For the first time Eleven hours later And I'm about to wake up Either holding onto you or my regret See you could just replace me And then we'd both just hate me Screaming out the things I should have said 'Cause if I miss my chance Ain't no turning back You got me torn Because You are the last thing that I need right now And for the first time I don't want to leave this town You are the last thing that I should be without You're making my heart Wanna stick around For the first time For the first time You said it from the get-go I won't feel love until I let go Well I just went and dropped it Out my hands Now I'm ten thousand miles Away and in denial Pretending I'll come back and be your man You are the the last thing That I need right now And for the first time I wish I didn't leave that town You are the last thing I should be without And I'm so sorry that I let you down For the first time For the first time For the first time And the last time"


you are home for me in a dream I had by me ALB: "I had a dream about you. we were close. I ran my hands up and down your arms, I felt the muscles in your shoulders and back, I felt your stomach and chest. I let my hands rest on your heart, it was beating so fast. you're breath got caught in your lungs for a moment there and so did mine. our foreheads were resting on the others. it was just you and me, though we were in a room full of people. I could smell your smell of detergent and something that can only be described as you. i wanted to tell you how I felt about you but i couldn't talk the moment was so beautiful. you were so close, your heart beating at the same fast pace as mine, your breathing as uneven as mine. you were so beautiful. your blue eyes were dancing, so pure so raw, I have never felt more at home as I did with my hand on your chest feeling your heart beat through your shirt. you felt so beautiful, I didn't want to wake up, even now all I want to do is go back to sleep, so I can dream that dream a thousand times again; knowing that it still wouldn't be enough because it isn't real. you are real I know that but that moment isn't and that is a pain all of its own."


how my brain works by me ALB: "I close the door and I can finally breathe. there are no people, no questions, no physical contact, it is just me and the unbelievably reassuring silence of an empty sunlit room. behind this door I allow myself to feel everything I have been avoiding to feel in front of the world. I feel the grief. I feel the aching pain of realizing that I will not see you walk through the door again. that I won't get to hug you again, I won't hear your laugh, I won't smell your perfume on the person it was meant for, you. I won't be able to call you when I need you. I won't be able to come home crying and run into your arms, instead I will run to the comfort of my bed knowing it will not even begin to come close to you. nothing will ever come close to you and as this hits me the tears fall. the grief pushes all the air from my lungs. I can't breathe from the waves that keep pulling me further and further below the surface. I can't see from the water in my eyes. I can't hear because I am being pulled down down into the dark abyss of undeniable soul destroying pain of loss. I lost you when you left. I know if you could you would probably would have stayed. I know parts of you are still here. Because when you love the way you taught me to love your soul gets intertwined with those around you which ultimately leaves pieces of your soul, your heart, you, intertwined with those you love; even if you can't feed that love anymore they can and I know they will because I will."


waking to reality that I thought was a dream by me ALB:. "i roll over and there you are. I didn't expect you to be here. I didn't expect to breathe in your scent in the morning. I thought it was just a dream and I was hoping against hope that it wasn't. I was hoping you were here. I was hoping it wasn't a dream and that when I opened my eyes, there yours would be; there you would be. I was hoping that I would be able to roll closer and closer until I was in your arms and there was no space between us, physically or emotionally. I was hoping I would be able to hear your raspy morning voice and see your sleepy eyes wake up. I wanted to slide my hand in yours and feel you intertwine your fingers with mine. I was hoping you would smile at me and whisper "good morning love." before kissing me until I fully woke up. I was hoping you were here and that it was just a dream so I wouldn't have to wake up to the harsh reality that there is a world without you in it and that is where I currently reside. I wanted so badly for you to be here. I wanted so badly for the morning to be warm again but it wasn't. you weren't there when I rolled over. the first thing I saw wasn't your sleepy eyes and smile. I didn't breathe in your scent. I didn't roll closer and closer to you. I didn't intertwine my fingers with yours. you didn't kiss me good morning because you weren't here that way anymore. you live in my heart always that warmth never leaves me, even though your current residence is somewhere in the clouds not down here with me. it's okay though because I had those mornings and I have the remains of them to help me continue because I have the remains of you always with me, never gone; just like when you were here and the world was a much better place."


The cliff by the magnificent @farnaz.fairy "i woke up to carresing waves upon my cheeks "this must be a dream" i said and kept my eyes closed again then felt the heaviness under me something was pulling me to the bottom and still i didn't consider the need to go back up slowly opened my eyes and the sun rays brought me back to life. i looked around somehow it felt like home the place where i truely belonged, it was familliar and warm. right when i ran away from the dark till the break of dawn in hopes of being headed to the light, with bloody scars and an aching heart that held on tight and kept on pumping love to help me survive,told me the sunrise will be your next guide, i descended and tore apart, no more grit under my feet to make me bleed, it was that craggy cliff i fell off and was carried with the next shimmering tide as i submerged and dreams crashed into my eyes and relieved me to my safe haven, i left my demons behind the deafining echoes got burried in that cold dessert and there i was falling asleep to to the lullabyes of the ocean and forgetting about a life-saver called island. the water sweeped all over my body the breeze kissed my forehead while seagulls harmonized a symphony in the sky, the mighty waves dropped my anchor on the soft sand said their unforgettable farewell to my newborn soul as my heart whisperd "baby girl,welcome back to life."


"I’m trying to go back to the place where my thoughts become alive by the sunrise For now my pulse is all that rings in my ear, but the sound of rain in rendezvous will make my mind speak Tho the color of the sky will hear me scream in the morning and as the light goes by So tell the girl in the mirror to stop wondering “Where did I leave my blue?” Vincent took it to paint the night, or you wasted it as ink writing about a guy? Or left it when you greeted pain with goodbye? Even if blue is all you knew, the gold still can shine bright from inside of you." written by the stunningly talented @springaingeal


"Every time you hold my hand, I can't take a stand, Boy, you my all, Its like I'm coming home. I believe, When I look into your eyes, All the ones before were lies. You're taking me away, away, But, it's like I'm coming home." - @bhavyathakkar_


My Beautiful Boy. written by the truly talented @bhavyathakkar_ "you smelled of waterfall and cool breeze that day, I told you that you fill up every crack in me, But you never let me fill you up with light. I remember you told me I'm the sky, Now that you're not here I know what it means, Stars die in the sky, and all my stars are dying without you. I know you loved me, it was in the way you touched my hands, it was as if they were Immersing into one, You couldn't let me love you. And here I am exhausting myself over you, Wherever I want you know that you'll always be my beautiful, beautiful boy. -Bhavya Thakkar


“your progress
does not always need to be a spectacle
some of the most beautiful flowers bloom
during nighttime
in a moonbeam spotlight
with no audience” - d.c. (@a_pen_and_some_words)


nothing stays the same by Luke Sital-Singh "I can taste it in my mouth I am hanging upside down All the faces gathered round To wait and see, to breath relief To call my name for the first time Cry your eyes out Fill your lungs up We all hurt We all lie And nothing stays the same Oh, oh, oh dear life Oh, oh, oh I can face it just about I'd rather hurt than live without But I will rage and scream and shout A love, a life, it's dark and bright It's beautiful and it's alright To cry your eyes out Fill your lungs up We all hurt We all lie And nothing stays the same Let your guard down Get your heart pounded We all bleed We all breathe And nothing stays the same We hold out For someday And nothing stays the same Oh, oh, oh We all believe in something that'll rip us into shreds We all know why it stings to open up your chest We all show signs of greatness that we hope that someone sees Our broken teeth are scattered but we're smiling underneath A thousand bruising muscles still we're running on and on We all know names that ring like thunder rattling our walls Everyone is yearning for a reason for a cause Somewhere deep inside we're hold on for dear life Oh, oh, oh dear life Oh, oh, oh dear life Oh, oh, oh dear life Oh, oh, oh Cry your eyes out Fill your lungs up We all hurt We all lie And nothing stays the same Let your guard down Get your heart pounded We all bleed We all breathe And nothing stays the same (Yeah) we all hurt We all learned That nothing stays the same. "


BA chapter 19 by ALB: we are five minutes away from my apartment before I start talking. "where do you want me to start? actually what did Luke tell you?" I ask Jace who is paying full attention to the road in front of us. Jace takes a deep breath and then says "he told me that you wouldn't be working for the next two days. when I asked why you couldn't work the day after tomorrow he told me." Jace pauses. " he told me you wouldn't be working because..." Jace breathes in through his nose out through his mouth seeming to try to steady himself and failing. "because it was the anniversary of your mom passing and you never worked that day. Is, you don't have to tell me everything if you don't want to at this current moment just please answer two questions for me okay?" Jace asks sounding shy like he is treading on ice that is about to break. "okay." I reply "what are you questions?" once we are on the freeway and Jace is situated in the middle lane he asks "how long ago did it happen? why does Luke have a day?" "six years ago," i breathe "and Luke has a day because his wife past away." "his wife? when?" Jace asked as stunned as i was when Luke told me. "she died after giving birth," i say "her hand was in his and it went limp, he started freaking out because all the nurses had walked out and her heart was still beating, she was there long enough to say goodbye to him and to see her baby. her baby was born too early and didn't make it through the night." Jace's eyes drop and his head follows, "Jace?" i ask "how long ago was that?" Jace croaks out. "it happened the day i was born so twenty years ago. he had just opened the cafe with his wife. it was her dream to own a cafe, and she got to see it come true. he told me once that he is so thankful that she did because everything else she had ever wanted she had gone after and managed to obtain including him. that the first and only time i have ever seen him fully smile." "one more question," Jace asks looking at me to see if i held any objections i didn't so i nodded. "how do you know all this?"⬇⬇"


BA chapter 18 by ALB: "ten minutes later i'm running up to my apartment and Jace is dialing up Luke. while i pack, Jace talks to Luke, for time to time i peak out the window to see how it's going one moment Jace is talking passionately his hand flying all over the place, the next his head drops and he seems to have no words and i know why. me and Luke have discussed before what we would do if this situation ever presented itself (believe it or not it was his idea) and by how Jace looks Luke did exactly as i asked. i throw a few more things in a bag, turn the lights off grab my purse and rush down to Jace. i throw my stuff in the backseat and get back in the car, i'm buckling before he finally speaks. "what Luke told me," he pauses, taking a moment to put the words in the order that works best before continuing. "what he told... that's... that's what you wouldn't tell me over the phone when we first started talking?" Jace looks at me, the joy from the sidewalk is gone and replaced by hurt. i simply look down. i don't know what to say, i don't know how to tell him. "Is, please talk to me." his voice almost breaks but manages to stay together somehow, placing his hand on my cheek he turns my eyes to his. i think i'm about to speak when he whispers while looking deep into my eyes, "i understand why you wouldn't tell me over a phone Is, i'm not mad or hurt that you didn't, i wouldn't have either if i was you. i understand why four months was needed for me not to know, and for you to figure out how to tell me, okay?" i nod as the tears -that had been building since i saw his head drop from my apartment- begins to slide down my cheek. "hey," Jace whispers, as he opens he door and rushes around to mine opening it, pulling me to him, he begins to stroke my hair as i cry into his chest. "Hey, it's okay. it's okay Is. i'm here." "i didn't know how to tell you." i say into his chest between breaths. i move to look at him and see there are tears building in his eyes too. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry that you found out from Luke but i'm more sorry that i'm glad i didn't have to tell you and that someone else did that for me." ⬇⬇


BA chapter 16 by ALB: "by lunchtime the cafe has calmed down to the usual lunch lull and i realize Jace is still on the couch in the corner, and sleeping. looking at him he looks so peaceful, my eyes are drawn to him anytime i'm free and even when i'm not; which as caused a fair amount of issues. lost in the tranquility of a sleeping Jace i did't hear my boss come up make his way up from the back. "hey Isabella!" he grunts. "yes?" i ask snapping back to reality. "why is your," my boss pauses trying to figure out the correct word, "who ever the male is that came in with you," my boss says "still sleeping on the couch?" i was about to reply when Jace sits up yawning, trying to figure out where he is when he sees me and smiles; all alarm leaving his eyes. so my boss directs his question to Jace. "why were you sleeping on my couch?" Jace slightly startled to be spoken to, takes a moment before replying. "jet lag... sir." the "sir" wins my bosses favor. he is old fashion in the sense that young men when he was Jace's age always called adults "sir" or "ma'am" while our generation fails to, is one of his greatest pet peeves. "call me Luke." smiling the little smile that is the only smile you will ever see on Luke's face he heads back to his office. i look at Jace with big eyes. Jace smiles and laughs a little before asking "what? what is that look about?" i say nothing, just smile some more and go back to wiping off the counter. "hey," Jace says heading towards me. "you don't get to do that? what was the look about?" Jace asks more urgently, i giggle harder and keep working. Jace sighs and then hops over the counter. "hey!" i say "you can't do that! didn't you see the sign?" i question pointing to the employ only signs that are plastered all over the cafe. "no," Jace says in a measured voice. "i saw them i'm just ignoring them like you are trying to ignore me." his hands go to my waist and he pulls me to him, tickling my side in the process i squeal. "hey!! quit that! that's not fair!" i say before the laughter come roaring out "not until you tell me!" Jace says before tickling me again. ⬇⬇"


BA chapter 15 by ALB: "we walk to the cafe without any interruptions, when we walk in the door my boss is eyeing me. i never mention anything about my personal life and i definitely do not bring my personal life into the cafe, when i am here i am a barista, baker, waitress and janitor but never personal. my boss nods at me "good morning." he says. he is rather moody from time to time and is known to express his anger to customers on numerous occasions. "morning." i say releasing jace's hand and heading behind the counter. "where do you want me today?" i ask knowing that it could be all over or tucked neatly in one spot. "the usual." my boss mumbles. "okay." i reply. i look at Jace after realizing that he is still there. "may i get you anything?" i ask Jace and my boss says flatly "it's not on the house." eyeing Jace in a cynical way. "medium black coffee to go." Jace says eyeing my boss in the same cynical manner but somehow making it comical. i giggle i can't help it as i ring him up and start making his order. i glance at Jace for a moment, he is looking at me with this look that makes me want to curl up inside his arms, a slight smile playing on his lips and happiness twinkling in his eyes. no one else is around when i finish, my boss has disappeared to the back like usual and the rest of the city hasn't woken up yet. i look at Jace and realize after calling his name four times that he hasn't either. "JACE!!" snapping to attention he says "hmm?" i hold the coffee over the counter and say "here you go. your coffee that you ordered is ready." "oh." "are you going to be able to make it back to your apartment?" i ask snapping my fingers in front of his unfocused eyes. "what? yeah." he says unconvincingly. i shake my head not believing him for a moment. "do you need me to walk you back?" i offer "i'm sure my boss would be thrilled about that." jace manages a smile "Jace?" i ask "yes Isabella?" "will you do me a favor?" "sure." Jace responds not at all looking forward to having to do something in his current state. "will you please go sit on the couch?" i say motioning to the one in the far, dark, quiet corner. ⬇⬇"